I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
