thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize