Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
