the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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