Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
