My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
