When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize