i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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