If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
