I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
