just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
