At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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