is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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