The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
