Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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