sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
