i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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