I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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