If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
