If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
