Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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