Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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