I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
