i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
