ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
