he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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