He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize