life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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