Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
