Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
