one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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