If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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