So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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