We should be called the Road Head Warriors
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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