So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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