I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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