Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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