I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
