we have officially lost it.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
