the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
