If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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