She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
