He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Enjoy the penises
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize