It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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