At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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