lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Operation Purity has been aborted
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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