At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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