I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
