Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
