I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize