Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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