I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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