Non-Jews are for practice
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
