i need an iv and a liver transplant
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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