you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize