You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
