Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize