He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
