i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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