"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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