The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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