how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
