i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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