Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize