I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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