so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
