well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
