I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
FUCK WHALES
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
