Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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