I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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