Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
