Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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