Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
