I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize