Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
