Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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