she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
