He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
