She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
