Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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