I love black thongs
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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