i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize