that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
