is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
