And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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