broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Randomize
