Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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