Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
false alarm, still single
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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