the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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