it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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